The new year post.

It’s cold outside, one of the coldest nights of this season so far. But it’s colder inside. As I lie all buried in my blanket, I symbolically think back on the time gone by as I change my calendar on my side table. It was a year of new challenges, learnings, adjustments, realisation and love.

Overall it was a good year but my focus is making a shift to the part that was after all not so good. Unfortunately that ugly part comes down onto me. Here I am, confessing to you all today because this is someplace where I am free, where I am unbound. I wouldn’t be judged and I can drop my baggage before I head into the new year. Bear with me.

I have had days where I was in self-doubt, constantly struggling to make my way, afraid of what others might approve/disapprove of. I could notice an invariable change in my personality so much so that I had jumping personalities as I jumped from meeting one person to another. Like a saint I tried giving up expectations but so far it has turned out to be the self created delusion and hasn’t done any good. I have also realised that I am hopelessly emotional and sensitive and that has somehow added to the agony. My health has deteriorated over the last few months, probably because I gave other things more importance. 

Emotionally it has been a hell of a roller coaster. I’ve had highs, I’ve had lows. One moment I was filled with love, the next completely drained and left empty. I’ve had laughter, I’ve had tears. Most of it was probably self built up coz that’s what I’m asked to believe and eventually I find comfort in the fact and thank god for it all not being real. It’s a zone where my logics and explanations do not work. It’s a place where I do not want to go. 

No matter how I have been in the past year at personal and emotional level but I’m pretty sure that the coming year would still be filled with sweet hopes, spirituality and honest love to spread around. Certain points that I have learnt and will keep in mind while I tread through these months ahead are- 

•Keep your health at the top of your priority list.

•Its okay to have some expectations, but from the right people.

•Keep doing your thing, people will still talk and judge if you don’t.

•Give yourself the time to do things that you enjoy. It ain’t coming back.

I wish you all light and love and hope. Be better.
Thanks for reading me vent out.

Until next time folks.


Someday. Somewhere. Somehow.

Sitting in my balcony at this hour, suddenly reminded me of a beautiful night amidst the mountains in McLeod Gunj. 

It was late and as usual, I was out under the stars while everyone else slept after a tired long day of travelling and sightseeing. There was something in the calm winds which nudged me now and then, brushing through my hair. It was Divine. Sitting wrapped up in my shawl I lay thinking about all that I did in the day and then my thoughts drifted to what all I had to see and do. There was plenty. To make a list and remember it, I ran inside my hotel room on my toes in order to not disturb my brother sleeping there. I caught hold of my hand bag and took out my little diary. I came back and settled in my chair soon and began to jot down everything that rushed through my mind. 

The list included anything and everything. From ice skating to sky diving, from singing live infront of an audience (despite having the worst singing voice) to camping out in the woods, from falling in love to roaming alone in the streets of an unknown city, from trying every possible cuisine to swinging on hammock and watch the day go by, from reading a good book all day long to spending my evenings with my grandparents listening to their legendary stories.. these were a few things that I could recall from what I had written that day.. there were many more.. I had spent almost the entire night in this. 

Going back to all this at this point make me realise how time has flown by, the maturity has crept in (without my permission though) and things have changed. That carefree little girl is now a grown up (at least I like to think so). The one who never thought twice before expressing her stupid dreams and useless demands, now keeps it all in her heart thinking people would laugh and judge and expect her to behave APPROPRIATELY. Does ageing mean this? To stop being the carefree one?! To not be in a position to demand or dream of the silliest things?! Why everything needs to be so PROPER and so APPROPRIATE . Can’t it all just be the way it wants to be.

Now when I sit all by myself at times, there’s something lacking in the whole feel of it. It’s not the same anymore. It’s probably because I don’t let myself flow away in those careless thoughts which now seem unreal at times. They seem stupid and at times they seem to be not making any sense at all. There. That’s the reason I have never felt that divine calmness of that evening ever again. 

It’s a faint memory but a very special one. I miss that balcony of my hotel room and I miss that diary of mine.

I hope someday I’ll be able to fly in my thoughts yet again. Someday I’ll be somewhere, where I could drop this baggage of being a grown up and somehow I’ll make a list again. 

Until next time folks

Breathe Out A Bit Of Love!

It was just like a usual evening and I had gone for a run at the city park after a long day’s work. As I parked my car and got out with my earphones plugged in my iPod and music bursting loud, I was stopped on my way by two little kids. They weren’t keeping well and asked me for some money. I told them that I’ll buy them food, but on a condition- they button up their shirts and wash their face. They immediately rushed towards the Shiv temple which was a few steps away and splashed water on their face from the water cooler. Meanwhile, I bought a few biscuits from a small departmental store and moved towards them. The smile on their faces moved me. I hadn’t seen them before, yet the joy in their eyes was quite satisfying for me, that moment. I gave them the biscuits and headed off to the park for my jog. It was a good end to my day.

Eventually, from that day on, meeting those two kids became a regular affair. I started to keep a few packets of biscuits in my car itself for them. The kids kept them clean, with their shirts buttoned up everyday. Smart chaps they were. The moment they used to see my car getting parked at the usual spot, they would come running. And frankly, even my eyes used to be in search of them as I stepped out everyday. Unknowingly, we’d somehow become friends.


Well, today wasn’t one of my ‘best days’ in record- a long day at work and a quarrel with a colleague. Though I was very tired, an evening jog was much needed to clear my head and get some air.

I parked my car and got out. My two friends came running, but today I was too indifferent to them. The stress at work had done its job well, it seemed. I ignored them and left for my workout. While on the track, my heart wasn’t at ease as my thoughts went back to the kids. Somehow, I didn’t feel good about myself. But what was done, was done! After all, they were just two little kids- whose’ names too, I had not known. I guess, it never occurred to me that I hadn’t asked them at all.

I soon finished my jog and reached for my car keys in the pocket as I returned to my car. I saw the two kids sitting on the bonnet of my car. Wasn’t expecting that at all. As I approached near, one of them questioned me with a gloomy face, “Aap naraaz ho kya hum se?” That one innocent question was enough to make me realise, that I had been so unfair to them. Soon, I apologised and gave them their biscuits. And finally, I enquired their name. Raja and Amit then told me about their day’s events and I had a good time, indeed. Soon, I left for home with a smile on my face.


Sometimes, all we need, is a little reminder of how beautiful life is. If we have pain, we certainly don’t have to be one. Everyday, we must reach out to someone. Everyday, we must breathe out a bit of love.


The Other You

Why is it that we are always expected to behave in a certain manner.. the one which we have been doing for quite a long time. Isn’t it unfair to deal different situations with the same kind of an outlook. Not all the time can you carry the kiddish and fun-loving attitude; and not the mature and rational mind always. But the people around make it so difficult for us sometimes to just lose our mind at times when we go through a major problem in our lives. They keep egging on for us to think with all the logics and be rational and deal with it. Why can’t we like the toddlers who are free to cry their heart out? Or why cant we be like the little girls who laugh hard when they make a blunder? From where have these stereotypical expected behavior crept into our daily lives.


I want to break free

I want to laugh hard when i make a blunder

I want to cry loud when i’m heartbroken 

I want to play in the fields when the sun shines

I want to bathe in rain when it pours heavily

I want to fly like a free bird

I want the OTHER ME.