The new year post.

It’s cold outside, one of the coldest nights of this season so far. But it’s colder inside. As I lie all buried in my blanket, I symbolically think back on the time gone by as I change my calendar on my side table. It was a year of new challenges, learnings, adjustments, realisation and love.

Overall it was a good year but my focus is making a shift to the part that was after all not so good. Unfortunately that ugly part comes down onto me. Here I am, confessing to you all today because this is someplace where I am free, where I am unbound. I wouldn’t be judged and I can drop my baggage before I head into the new year. Bear with me.

I have had days where I was in self-doubt, constantly struggling to make my way, afraid of what others might approve/disapprove of. I could notice an invariable change in my personality so much so that I had jumping personalities as I jumped from meeting one person to another. Like a saint I tried giving up expectations but so far it has turned out to be the self created delusion and hasn’t done any good. I have also realised that I am hopelessly emotional and sensitive and that has somehow added to the agony. My health has deteriorated over the last few months, probably because I gave other things more importance. 

Emotionally it has been a hell of a roller coaster. I’ve had highs, I’ve had lows. One moment I was filled with love, the next completely drained and left empty. I’ve had laughter, I’ve had tears. Most of it was probably self built up coz that’s what I’m asked to believe and eventually I find comfort in the fact and thank god for it all not being real. It’s a zone where my logics and explanations do not work. It’s a place where I do not want to go. 

No matter how I have been in the past year at personal and emotional level but I’m pretty sure that the coming year would still be filled with sweet hopes, spirituality and honest love to spread around. Certain points that I have learnt and will keep in mind while I tread through these months ahead are- 

•Keep your health at the top of your priority list.

•Its okay to have some expectations, but from the right people.

•Keep doing your thing, people will still talk and judge if you don’t.

•Give yourself the time to do things that you enjoy. It ain’t coming back.

I wish you all light and love and hope. Be better.
Thanks for reading me vent out.

Until next time folks.
-A

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Staying Found.

Just like the previous year, I’m here trying to evaluate all the good and bad karma that have gone out in the world from me, this year. It’s been quite an year! Probably one of those where I have learned a lot. Yes, there have been blunders and faults and flaws, but I found the courage to rise up against all of that. And this couldn’t have been possible without my family and friends. Generally, I am very private about it, but today I take this platform as an opportunity to thank each one of my family members and dearest friends, not only for guiding me through but also for bearing with me. I know I can sometimes be a handful!

So, this year I quit my job! With this job, had come the lessons for life. The colleagues, the environment, pity arguments, long discussions, client meetings, deadlines, reporting every evening to my boss and most importantly- the friends I made- my friends for life! No freelancing or any other office could have given me something (or rather I should say- some people) so valuable, which I would cherish in all the years to come. Well, that phase too has ended, with this year. If you’re reading, you’ll know this is for You- I love you guys, and no matter where we end up in the times to come, you would still be my lifelines.

There were highs, there were lows. Some new friends entered the picture frame and some people walked out. To those new friends- I wish and hope that our bond grows stronger with each day to come. And to those who walked out- Nevermind! Good luck for your endeavours and thank you for teaching me a lesson and helping me grow and become a better person.

There was some traveling this year again. To the new places that I explored- You left me awestruck! Your culture, your people, your air, your feel- it all filled me with a fresh excitement and added a new dimension to the way I see the world. And to the places where my folks put up- Thank you for welcoming me with wide open arms. The beautiful moments spent there will forever be craved for, until we meet again! The love and care you showered upon me- for that I have no words.

There was some major decision making too. A decision for life! A decision that brought You into my life. To You- Welcome! Welcome into my tiny little world. By now, you’re already a major part of it. I hope you like it here and together we are able to create our own new world with our family and folks around us.

Well, this year has been a good one! And many might call it a cliché (but I don’t care), I thank God, wherever He is! Thank you for making it all happen in the manner you did! You are the reason- I am wherever I am and whoever I am. Keep me under your guidance in the same way- Keep me found! 

I wish you all good luck, happiness and pink health for the new year.

Until next time,

Love

-A

A Rearview Into The Year Gone By!

The year’s start could not get better, than getting to go on the trip which was being planned since months ago. Finally, sitting in the train, all geared up for my small vacation, it feels great! Sitting, surrounded by not so much of a talkative company, I decide to indulge into some reading. In my bag pack, right next to my novel, is my journal. Journal of 2014. My hand subconsciously picks up the journal and I start to dig into the year gone by.

After a couple of hours, having gone through each page, there were tears in my eyes. The good sweet moments; the nick and corners where there was pain; the laughter rides with friends; the vacations with family; the new job; the old friends; the farewells; the new acquaintances the learning lessons; the fixing up sessions, it all reminded me of what all an year could actually do!

But, it just took me a moment, to really sum up my entire year- zeroing down to a single event. It’s so unfair to all the other 364 days of the year, when their significance is over shadowed by just ONE day- THE DAY.

It could be anything for anyone- for instance, getting the Dream Job, taking an Insane Vacation, finding your The One, or just about anything.

But, it’s beautiful, how the joy of one small moment, or the happiness of having experienced THE DAY, could minimise all the low and sad moments of the year. One tends to remember the yearly just one incident one event. That solely becomes the focal point.

It happened with me. And my dear reader, I believe, no matter how hard 2014 might have had been on you, but you could still find one such event which would make you smile, when you think of the year gone by! So, take a rear view into it, and find your magic moment of 2014.

Every Saint Has A Past.. Every Sinner Has A Future!

At times in life we lose our ability to decide on what is right and what is wrong. We end up doing things which weren’t meant to have been done. But, that doesn’t mean that we are not the same person anymore by heart. We are never taught how to go about life at different stages. The smart asses get their way out perfectly at all times.. But some jerks like me stumble a few times before we get our way out.

A few days back.. That wasn’t the way my thought process worked, to be frank! I was equally judgemental of the blunders I had committed till now. But a very dear friend gave me this new perspective towards the whole idea. And now I realise, life is not about crying over what happened or the wrong decisions we made.. Life is about what we learn from them and how we make the journey more beautiful. It’s about looking at the prettier things that life has to offer. No matter how big the blunder was.. Or how bad our life got affected by the decision we made.. Unless we make peace with it and find closure within, the world will not let make peace with it too. All we need to do is drop the baggage and move ahead. With a pure heart and good intentions, I believe, we could still move the world around!

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I read this a long time ago.. But in real, today I understood its meaning..

‘I don’t know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive himself or herself. Because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, ‘Well, if I’d known better I’d done better,’ that’s all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, ‘I’m sorry,’ and then you say to yourself, ‘I’m sorry.’ If we hold on to the mistake, we can’t see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can’t see what we’re capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one’s own self. I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you. When a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or too asexual, that’s rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don’t have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we never are able to live the life that god has planned for us.’ 

-Maya Angelou

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