It’s cold outside, one of the coldest nights of this season so far. But it’s colder inside. As I lie all buried in my blanket, I symbolically think back on the time gone by as I change my calendar on my side table. It was a year of new challenges, learnings, adjustments, realisation and love.
Overall it was a good year but my focus is making a shift to the part that was after all not so good. Unfortunately that ugly part comes down onto me. Here I am, confessing to you all today because this is someplace where I am free, where I am unbound. I wouldn’t be judged and I can drop my baggage before I head into the new year. Bear with me.
I have had days where I was in self-doubt, constantly struggling to make my way, afraid of what others might approve/disapprove of. I could notice an invariable change in my personality so much so that I had jumping personalities as I jumped from meeting one person to another. Like a saint I tried giving up expectations but so far it has turned out to be the self created delusion and hasn’t done any good. I have also realised that I am hopelessly emotional and sensitive and that has somehow added to the agony. My health has deteriorated over the last few months, probably because I gave other things more importance.
Emotionally it has been a hell of a roller coaster. I’ve had highs, I’ve had lows. One moment I was filled with love, the next completely drained and left empty. I’ve had laughter, I’ve had tears. Most of it was probably self built up coz that’s what I’m asked to believe and eventually I find comfort in the fact and thank god for it all not being real. It’s a zone where my logics and explanations do not work. It’s a place where I do not want to go.
No matter how I have been in the past year at personal and emotional level but I’m pretty sure that the coming year would still be filled with sweet hopes, spirituality and honest love to spread around. Certain points that I have learnt and will keep in mind while I tread through these months ahead are-
•Keep your health at the top of your priority list.
•Its okay to have some expectations, but from the right people.
•Keep doing your thing, people will still talk and judge if you don’t.
•Give yourself the time to do things that you enjoy. It ain’t coming back.
I wish you all light and love and hope. Be better.
Thanks for reading me vent out.
Until next time folks.