Sitting in my balcony at this hour, suddenly reminded me of a beautiful night amidst the mountains in McLeod Gunj.
It was late and as usual, I was out under the stars while everyone else slept after a tired long day of travelling and sightseeing. There was something in the calm winds which nudged me now and then, brushing through my hair. It was Divine. Sitting wrapped up in my shawl I lay thinking about all that I did in the day and then my thoughts drifted to what all I had to see and do. There was plenty. To make a list and remember it, I ran inside my hotel room on my toes in order to not disturb my brother sleeping there. I caught hold of my hand bag and took out my little diary. I came back and settled in my chair soon and began to jot down everything that rushed through my mind.
The list included anything and everything. From ice skating to sky diving, from singing live infront of an audience (despite having the worst singing voice) to camping out in the woods, from falling in love to roaming alone in the streets of an unknown city, from trying every possible cuisine to swinging on hammock and watch the day go by, from reading a good book all day long to spending my evenings with my grandparents listening to their legendary stories.. these were a few things that I could recall from what I had written that day.. there were many more.. I had spent almost the entire night in this.
Going back to all this at this point make me realise how time has flown by, the maturity has crept in (without my permission though) and things have changed. That carefree little girl is now a grown up (at least I like to think so). The one who never thought twice before expressing her stupid dreams and useless demands, now keeps it all in her heart thinking people would laugh and judge and expect her to behave APPROPRIATELY. Does ageing mean this? To stop being the carefree one?! To not be in a position to demand or dream of the silliest things?! Why everything needs to be so PROPER and so APPROPRIATE . Can’t it all just be the way it wants to be.
Now when I sit all by myself at times, there’s something lacking in the whole feel of it. It’s not the same anymore. It’s probably because I don’t let myself flow away in those careless thoughts which now seem unreal at times. They seem stupid and at times they seem to be not making any sense at all. There. That’s the reason I have never felt that divine calmness of that evening ever again.
It’s a faint memory but a very special one. I miss that balcony of my hotel room and I miss that diary of mine.
I hope someday I’ll be able to fly in my thoughts yet again. Someday I’ll be somewhere, where I could drop this baggage of being a grown up and somehow I’ll make a list again.
Until next time folks