B L A N K .

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Tick Tock!

Tick Tock!

Been two hours now.
Not a sentence.
Not a single word.
Zilch.

All I could manage to do in the past two hours was scribble. Scribble and scratch all over my diary. (Thanks to this old fashioned way of writing, atleast I was able to do something.)
This is weird. This is so not me. When I sat down with my stationery I knew what I wanted to write about. But every time I tried with a fresh line to start, my words failed me, my thoughts betrayed me. I couldn’t find my focal point. I felt lost. I felt BLANK.

And then I was restless.

Restless about the fact that I wasn’t able to do anything. I felt captivated. I felt chained. And the funny part- NO APPARENT REASON!

Or maybe there was a reason. Maybe it was my heart that was playing the game of denial. Game of unacceptance. Because sometimes the truth is hurtful. And subconsciously we’re aware of that ‘truth’ being a fact. And the fact having the power of inflicting hurt. 

But it’s funny how we try to conceal the ‘truth’, the ‘fact’ and thus the ‘hurt’. 
We’re hurting, but we’re quiet. We’re whining inside, but we put up a smile. Isn’t that hypocrisy?! Though with oneself, but it is. 

But unless enough strength is gathered, immense courage piled up, the self-hypocrisy would overpower. And I have no shame in admitting that I haven’t found that courage yet. The courage to acknowledge, at times, what my heart really feels deep down, to question the acts and things which  hurt me, to let it all free from its own captivity.

But even then, I am okay! I am okay with my hypocrisy because I have the urge to reach out. Though silently, but I am trying to not let my happiness be arrested by somebody else’s acts. Though feeling captivated, I’m still fluttering my wings to be the free bird again.

P.S. To any reader who found this write up disappointing, I apologise. But I had to clear my head. Bear with me. 

Until next time folks.

Love

-A 

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Thoughts. Thoughts of Thoughts. And more Thoughts!

As ironic as it may sound, if I could think of one single thing that could be the most productive and the most destructive in its innate nature, that would be- a THOUGHT. It’s funny how a tiny seed takes birth in our brain and can germinate into something, having a million possibilities.

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The other day, while I was too lazy to get out of my bed for an entire day, random thoughts kept crossing my mind. And suddenly, my brain got stuck onto a particular one. Taking it around in my brain, from one nueron to another, in no time did that silly tiny thought had triggered a series of thoughts. Unfortunately, it didn’t turn out into a happy one. And more unfortunate was the fact, that it didn’t have any concrete basis. Not did I know it right then.

But at that moment, I felt it real. I was left at unease.

After a few hours of having my mood swings and the lowest lows of the day, I decided to confide my thoughts in a friend. That was the best remedy I could think of.

And trust me, I wasn’t proven wrong. Soon my doubts were clear, the grey clouds of shady thoughts vanished and I was left feeling stupid and guilty about the hours of agony, anxiety and apprehension, I went through.

****

At times, a little insight from another person, a different perspective, an understanding or just a patient ear is enough to get yourself out from the ditch of thoughts. But for that, make sure you have the right person. Coz as Frank Underwood rightly said, ‘One man’s tragedy is another man’s treasure.’ 

So if you’re lucky enough, you’ll find someone along the journey, and if not, God probably knows, you’re a smartass and will find your way. I guess my name is definitely off the smart people’s list! 

So dear reader, don’t be afraid to have your brain running into different directions all the time, but try and learn, when to halt, to let your brain take a breath. I am learning too.

Love

-A

Feature image courtesy: http://www.elephantjournal.com

Day of Love.

The ‘day of love’ is round the corner and I can spot the stores decorated with huge red colored heart shaped balloons, the Facebook wall loaded with proposals and promises, the broadcast messages in my phone filled with the fancy quotes on love, etc.

Well, there is for sure, too much love in the air and in the materialism that comes along. But it makes me wonder, how much love there truly lies in our hearts and thoughts! Just saying.

On one hand, I find this whole concept of V-Day quite logical- to dedicate a day in the name of love, like paying some tribute! And in a world like ours, where true love is the rarest of the rarest gem to be found, it well deserves it.

But on the other hand, it makes me laugh at the mockery that is made in the name of love! Why is it that we need one particular day to show all our love to somebody special?! Isn’t that supposed to be a daily affair- to make them feel special!

I guess, this is one of those days which is beyond my understanding and reasoning.

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The other day, I opened my journal to pen down, and I found a few petals of a rose flower pressed between the pages, long time ago. In the course of time, they have lost their vibrant colors and turned pale- leaving beautiful impressions on the lined pages of my diary. With time they have lost their fragrance amidst these leaflets of my diary- leaving a mild aroma cocooned within the pages, which welcomes me, every time I open it.

These impressions will forever be there, no matter what. Isn’t love too, supposed to be like that? With time, love will mature, the colors might change, the fragrance might grow milder or change notes, but the impressions of that love on someone’s heart would stay forever. It would be like – letting somebody’s love being imprinted on one’s heart! 

And to be imprinted by somebody’s love, so pure, could be the sweetest blessing. And for such a love, a lifetime wouldn’t be enough, leave aside just a day in the year.

Anyways, to my readers and their loved ones- may each day of yours be filled with love and hope. Make each day count.

Sending love and luck

-A

Three Angels.

Just like my last post, this one again is quite personal. Earlier, I had this notion of being private about my family and friends. But one fine day I realized – what’s the whole point anyway?! This world is in dearth of one most precious thing, which is found the least in today’s time- LOVE. So I thought, why not share my little times of love with all my readers and let my favourite people too know how much I love and adore them.

Today this post is dedicated to my three lovely maniacs!

With you three, I have a family beyond my blood family. In the last two years, you have become an integral part of my life. When we all came together and formed our pack, I had never imagined the times with with you would be among the most memorable ones!

Since the first day when we had all started to begin to learn and adjust in our work environment- trying to make a place and a name, till today- You have slowly crept into the deep and safe corners of my heart. 

Each little incident is clearly etched in my memory-

The initial times when my eyes looked around in a sea of new people and you welcomed me with open arms of friendship,

The times when our lunch breaks grew longer for our never-ending talks,

The times when you made me fall off my chair laughing,

The times when you protected me when somebody raised a finger at me,

The times when you went ahead and fought for me,

The times when you listened to me blabber incessantly,

The times when we enjoyed the rains and our drives,

The times when we bunked and made random plans.

The list is endless, but the times which are most important- the times when you made me feel special (which was everyday), for that- THANK YOU! Thank you for each day that you’ve been around me.. With you around, my world is a happier place, my shortcomings do not matter, my sorrows vanish, my laughter doubles, my worries are automatically taken care of, my smile never goes away! Suffice is to say- you are my lifelines. 

You are my armour

You are my knight 

You are my pocket

Full of sunshine.

I’ve needed you all along

I’ll love you forever and long

You are my blessings in disguise

You are my angels beneath the sky.



 

Staying Found.

Just like the previous year, I’m here trying to evaluate all the good and bad karma that have gone out in the world from me, this year. It’s been quite an year! Probably one of those where I have learned a lot. Yes, there have been blunders and faults and flaws, but I found the courage to rise up against all of that. And this couldn’t have been possible without my family and friends. Generally, I am very private about it, but today I take this platform as an opportunity to thank each one of my family members and dearest friends, not only for guiding me through but also for bearing with me. I know I can sometimes be a handful!

So, this year I quit my job! With this job, had come the lessons for life. The colleagues, the environment, pity arguments, long discussions, client meetings, deadlines, reporting every evening to my boss and most importantly- the friends I made- my friends for life! No freelancing or any other office could have given me something (or rather I should say- some people) so valuable, which I would cherish in all the years to come. Well, that phase too has ended, with this year. If you’re reading, you’ll know this is for You- I love you guys, and no matter where we end up in the times to come, you would still be my lifelines.

There were highs, there were lows. Some new friends entered the picture frame and some people walked out. To those new friends- I wish and hope that our bond grows stronger with each day to come. And to those who walked out- Nevermind! Good luck for your endeavours and thank you for teaching me a lesson and helping me grow and become a better person.

There was some traveling this year again. To the new places that I explored- You left me awestruck! Your culture, your people, your air, your feel- it all filled me with a fresh excitement and added a new dimension to the way I see the world. And to the places where my folks put up- Thank you for welcoming me with wide open arms. The beautiful moments spent there will forever be craved for, until we meet again! The love and care you showered upon me- for that I have no words.

There was some major decision making too. A decision for life! A decision that brought You into my life. To You- Welcome! Welcome into my tiny little world. By now, you’re already a major part of it. I hope you like it here and together we are able to create our own new world with our family and folks around us.

Well, this year has been a good one! And many might call it a cliché (but I don’t care), I thank God, wherever He is! Thank you for making it all happen in the manner you did! You are the reason- I am wherever I am and whoever I am. Keep me under your guidance in the same way- Keep me found! 

I wish you all good luck, happiness and pink health for the new year.

Until next time,

Love

-A

Time To Go Home!

 My favourite time of the year is around. The winds have turned cooler. The nights have started to last longer. The birds are returning to their nests sooner. And the number of my coffee cups have increased by a number.

**WINTER IS COMING**

You can say I too am from the GOT fan club.

What excites me the most about this season, is the festivities that come along- with Diwali being my favourite.

The whole city gears up to welcome Maa Laxmi months before. From cleaning up every nook and corner of the house to giving an impeccable makeover to home; from planning the menu for The Day to buying the ‘new dress’ for the New Day; from getting all the crackers and lighting with the siblings to filling colours into the rangoli- this festival holds a different meaning for everyone.

But what I cherish the most at this time- is the homecoming of my favourite people. My elder brother, my cousins and friends- all come around on this occasion. It is the excitement of celebrating together that thrills me the most. The funfilled time spent with the family- sitting around in the living area, relishing on the delicacies prepared by mom and grandma, the laughter, the teasing, the movie plans, the card games- it all sums up to a perfect celebration. And catching up with long lost friends, giggling over the childhood memories, feeling proud over the success of some and laughing away at the failures of some- reliving the good old days just acts like a cherry on the cake! 

At this time I feel blessed to have all my favorite people around me, and somehow, it gives a reassurance- that no matter how busy one’s life has become; no matter how many professional commitments is one engaged into, the priority for everyone still remains their family and friends. 

It’s the little moments of happiness like these that add meaning to life.

Wishing you all a very happy and joyous Diwali! 

Love
-A

Picture Courtesy: Terribly Tiny Tales

TIME’S PLAY! 

 
This one is from my archives. This piece was in my diary since quite a while now, I think, now was the right time to publish it.


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Life’s been pretty surprising lately. In both, good and bad ways. It turns out that the bad is always followed by the good. Like, it is some law of nature.
The past few months have been constantly slapping me with questions right across my face about my faith and belief. And in this trial of time, I thought, that I had LOST! Yes. the fundamentals in which I had put in my faith, seemed to have trembled and its foundation crumpled.
I momentarily stood as a person without faith! And as they say- “Faith is a gift, which I am yet to receive, again!”


In such a moment, I felt blindfolded, with no idea where to go. The death of belief made it impossible to even seek help from somebody. But one must remember to turn on the light when it gets dark. And the exact happened.
With all the chaos in my head, I tried to find my calm. I was constantly in search for the answers to my questions. And when the time was right- just perfect- as if God was set to play his moves, I got my answers unexpectedly. And all at once, the sky was clear, the dark clouds vanished, the ray of light carrying hope and joy and satisfaction touched my soul with its tenderness and warmth.

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And right now, while sitting under the halogen bulb, out in my verandah, in front of my lush green garden, I can see the twinkling stars, shining away in all their glory and smiling at me. Thinking back to all that had occurred, I realized, it’s OKAY to panic at times! It’s OKAY to feel the dark and despair at times! What’s not okay is to give in and succumb to it. What’s important is to keep looking and figure out. What’s needed is to be patient with a belief- that it will all be Okay!

And dear reader, it is important to understand- there are days that ask questions, but don’t forget to remind yourself- there will come a day to answer them! 


Love
-A