The new year post.

It’s cold outside, one of the coldest nights of this season so far. But it’s colder inside. As I lie all buried in my blanket, I symbolically think back on the time gone by as I change my calendar on my side table. It was a year of new challenges, learnings, adjustments, realisation and love.

Overall it was a good year but my focus is making a shift to the part that was after all not so good. Unfortunately that ugly part comes down onto me. Here I am, confessing to you all today because this is someplace where I am free, where I am unbound. I wouldn’t be judged and I can drop my baggage before I head into the new year. Bear with me.

I have had days where I was in self-doubt, constantly struggling to make my way, afraid of what others might approve/disapprove of. I could notice an invariable change in my personality so much so that I had jumping personalities as I jumped from meeting one person to another. Like a saint I tried giving up expectations but so far it has turned out to be the self created delusion and hasn’t done any good. I have also realised that I am hopelessly emotional and sensitive and that has somehow added to the agony. My health has deteriorated over the last few months, probably because I gave other things more importance. 

Emotionally it has been a hell of a roller coaster. I’ve had highs, I’ve had lows. One moment I was filled with love, the next completely drained and left empty. I’ve had laughter, I’ve had tears. Most of it was probably self built up coz that’s what I’m asked to believe and eventually I find comfort in the fact and thank god for it all not being real. It’s a zone where my logics and explanations do not work. It’s a place where I do not want to go. 

No matter how I have been in the past year at personal and emotional level but I’m pretty sure that the coming year would still be filled with sweet hopes, spirituality and honest love to spread around. Certain points that I have learnt and will keep in mind while I tread through these months ahead are- 

•Keep your health at the top of your priority list.

•Its okay to have some expectations, but from the right people.

•Keep doing your thing, people will still talk and judge if you don’t.

•Give yourself the time to do things that you enjoy. It ain’t coming back.

I wish you all light and love and hope. Be better.
Thanks for reading me vent out.

Until next time folks.
-A

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Best Friend.

After hanging up your phone call, I just realised, it’s been 10 years since you’ve been my dearest friend. A decade! I feel so honoured and so much at peace, just thinking about having you in my life. We’ve grown up together, sharing our lives in the sweetest form, learning from each other, supporting one another, looking out for each other.

The memories that I have of our childhood- truly innocent and pure. You showed me what it’s like to love someone without expecting anything in return, you set an example by having stood by in the worse times, you showered utmost care and compassion when I needed it. You may not take the credit, but of many things that I am today, the little share of good ones that is there- many are because of you. 

The platonic connect we have, the unsaid understanding we share- it feels like a comfortable mattress where I can fall upon when I feel fragile. Months go by without talking to you but my thoughts always encircle around you. I write this today not because I need to tell you all this- you already know (because you are among those few who know me better than myself). I am writing this because our bond is eternal and I want to leave an imprint of it beyond time. 

I love you Divyani, for the beautiful person you are, for the amazing life you’ve made for yourself and for honouring me with your friendship. I am truly blessed. Keep loving me 🙂 .

Until next time.

Love 

-A

On Such A Rainy Day!

My favorite time of the year is now here. It’s a silly reason to be happy about the arrival of monsoon, but, just like a little child, I am. The sky and clouds are in full run to show their magnificent display of art. The bright hues turning into shades of grey and then a band of colors emerging, mounting them all – isn’t it just spectacular! This part of the year reinforces my beliefs in nature’s miracles, like anything is possible, like I might just get all that I’d hoped for, especially when I had stopped looking.

To some it might be just another rainy day- hampering their work, disturbing their schedule. But to me- it’s an opportunity to pause and take a look at the beauty around, it’s the nature’s way to give me a break in the monotonous life and enjoy a day off, it’s the time to let the raindrops fall on me and let them tingle my skin, make me feel important just by reminding me that there’s somebody above who’s looking down at me and wishes to see me smile.

It’s amazing how I can put all my thoughts aside and just live the moment. The connect I feel to the nature is strangely even stronger than the one’s in my routine with people around. The positivity that flushes through, it’s unmatchable to any other source. It’s probably because of my childhood days. I still remember, on a rainy day, how my dad used to return home from office as soon as it began to pour. With all the yummy munchies that my mom cooked and our entire family gathered on the patio, kids drenching in the rain and some (like me) busy in building their ships to put them out on sail. (Oh, how dad worked meticulously to have me build the strongest paper ships among all). The long car drives with windows open and water drops gushing in with the wind – I felt like my dad was a superman who could even manage to drive in such a weather. The thrill I felt, its nowhere close to the adrenaline pump i get in any other adventure today. And that is because, with mom and dad, I knew that the only reason the munchies were prepared, dad was back from office, ships were being built and we were out on a drive – was because i had wanted it all! And the mystical part of the story (my favourite part) – I never said it out loud, but they understood. They made me believe in magic, in possibilities.

Its because of them that I have an eye of appreciating nature in the most simple form. I’ll forever owe it to them. And my heart will never feel the same thrill until the next time my dad takes me out on another drive on such a rainy day!

Me: Papa! My ship isn’t strong. It will sink in the middle of it’s journey.

Papa: Don’t worry, it will sail through. And just incase it doesn’t, why did i teach you to swim? Go for it. You’ll be just fine.

Thanks for being my tutor Mama and Papa. The best ever! You keep me going for it. Love You!

Until next time folks.

Love

-A

Someday. Somewhere. Somehow.

Sitting in my balcony at this hour, suddenly reminded me of a beautiful night amidst the mountains in McLeod Gunj. 

It was late and as usual, I was out under the stars while everyone else slept after a tired long day of travelling and sightseeing. There was something in the calm winds which nudged me now and then, brushing through my hair. It was Divine. Sitting wrapped up in my shawl I lay thinking about all that I did in the day and then my thoughts drifted to what all I had to see and do. There was plenty. To make a list and remember it, I ran inside my hotel room on my toes in order to not disturb my brother sleeping there. I caught hold of my hand bag and took out my little diary. I came back and settled in my chair soon and began to jot down everything that rushed through my mind. 

The list included anything and everything. From ice skating to sky diving, from singing live infront of an audience (despite having the worst singing voice) to camping out in the woods, from falling in love to roaming alone in the streets of an unknown city, from trying every possible cuisine to swinging on hammock and watch the day go by, from reading a good book all day long to spending my evenings with my grandparents listening to their legendary stories.. these were a few things that I could recall from what I had written that day.. there were many more.. I had spent almost the entire night in this. 

Going back to all this at this point make me realise how time has flown by, the maturity has crept in (without my permission though) and things have changed. That carefree little girl is now a grown up (at least I like to think so). The one who never thought twice before expressing her stupid dreams and useless demands, now keeps it all in her heart thinking people would laugh and judge and expect her to behave APPROPRIATELY. Does ageing mean this? To stop being the carefree one?! To not be in a position to demand or dream of the silliest things?! Why everything needs to be so PROPER and so APPROPRIATE . Can’t it all just be the way it wants to be.

Now when I sit all by myself at times, there’s something lacking in the whole feel of it. It’s not the same anymore. It’s probably because I don’t let myself flow away in those careless thoughts which now seem unreal at times. They seem stupid and at times they seem to be not making any sense at all. There. That’s the reason I have never felt that divine calmness of that evening ever again. 

It’s a faint memory but a very special one. I miss that balcony of my hotel room and I miss that diary of mine.

I hope someday I’ll be able to fly in my thoughts yet again. Someday I’ll be somewhere, where I could drop this baggage of being a grown up and somehow I’ll make a list again. 

Until next time folks
Love 

Clarity amidst Black, White and Grey.

This post is an extension to my previous blog post ‘Black. White. Grey.’ You can read it HERE. And this one is for an intrigued reader: I hope I’m able to satisfy your curiosity by the end of it. 

In the earlier post I had written, “If you think of putting your faith into someone or some organisation, consider it as putting a piece of your soul into it.” 
Well, once you’ve put down your faith into an entity (mind you, after a lot of pondering over it), treat it as if it’s a part of your wealth which you’ve locked into a treasure box and kept away. There might be times when you’ll fall in doubts or when somebody instigates you against it when the winds aren’t blowing in the favourable or desired direction, BUT hold on to your conviction unless you’re disproven.

The Holy Bible says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” 
I’d like to amend it and put it as, “Have faith in yourself and lean completely on your conviction until the end. After all what is faith if it doesn’t endure when we are tested most.” 

Until next time folks.

Cheers 

-A

Black. White. Grey.

From the archives.

Faith. It’s a peculiar thing. To earn it is the hardest, to put into somebody is the scariest and to lose it is the easiest. 

In this big banged world, all around, when people swear for little things, it seems as if they either hold God in a very low esteem or fail to command faith from the other entity.

Lately I’ve come across situations where my faith was in doubts. The blind confidence in me waived. Trust me, it was scary. More than that it was shattering and I began to question my instincts and my decision making, it took me a while to succumb to what the reality was. Yes, I felt like a fool. The notions that I had came tumbling down. Being the emotional fool that I’ve always been, giving importance more to to the sentiments and little gestures, I pushed myself into a zone where it was all grey. Uncertain. No black, no white, just tints and shades of grey.

But pulling myself out from the grey cave, I realised that faith is a treasure, meant to be protected and kept safe, to not get fooled around and to not believe easily.

If you consider putting your faith into someone or some organisation, think of it as putting a piece of your soul into it. Thus, that’s how cautious you should be.

And if somebody puts his/her faith in you, respect that and work harder to maintain it. That’s one thing that is cherished by a handful. And it definitely will make you feel more accomplished.

Faith is the most beautiful gift you could possibly give to someone and it is indeed the most respectful gesture and honour if someone puts into you.

Until next time folks.

Cheers

-A

Getting Around. #snailspeed 

I spent today’s evening watching a movie. Up till two-third part of the movie I couldn’t help but think, why didn’t I read a review beforehand so that I could have saved myself from such a torture and some of my money. But I’m glad that I didn’t! By the time the movie ended, it left me in a positive zone- a zone where we’re reminded as to what is important in life.

Life isn’t too long. Each one of us has a limited time and the beauty is, time neither waits nor repeats for anyone. For each day, for each moment, we’ve got just one shot! Coz we all know, we cannot live the same moment that has gone by, ever again. When I say this, I do not mean that we cannot afford to commit mistakes. We sure can! Coz they can be rectified at the right MOMENT. But what cannot be undone is the loss of time we suffer.

There is no bible that tells us how to live by each moment. But it isn’t rocket science too! It just needs a little consideration from us to focus and rejoice the little things in life and not run after the big picture. We are not machines. Sadly, we are driven more by technology and gadgets than emotions and other fellow humans today, more by the apartment size and pay checks than the number of family members and quality time spent with loved ones. But as it’s said, ‘We steer the wheel of our own life, nobody or nothing else should be given that control.’

And the time is always right to do right. So, let’s make some amendments in our list of priorities to not miss out on the real meaningful pleasures in life. It could mean making a phone call in the middle of a busy day to remind your mom of her doctor’s appointment. Or it could mean returning home soon from office to put your child into bed. It could be anything for anyone. But think. Consider. Amend. Coz life’s running at a pace which we don’t even realise how fast is right now. But soon our hair will turn grey, skin will start to sag and our hearts would rewind the years gone by. But nothing could be done then. 

My friend, let each day be worth remembering. For all we know, it’s one life that we’ve been given so let us appreciate and acknowledge its exclusivity to the best.

P.S. This is the personal section where I couldn’t help but write to Him.

Dear You

Each moment of my life since the day you stepped in it has been like the colourful firework show. Just like it, my days are filled with thrill, light, sparks, colors and the festive vibe. You’ve played a crucial role in making me realise how each moment can be turned into a precious memory and treasured. Thank You. 

“Everything is, everything exists, because I love.”

Yours

Me


Until next time folks.

Love 

A